Stuck in Place

I've been taking photos for awhile. I've had my ups and downs. I think I ought to be happy to be where I am right now. Objectively I've improved on the basics in photography since starting on around 2015. I probably haven't taken photography seriously enough since it was just a hobby.

Honestly, I'm not that happy with the way things are. I hate the way I default to the things I learned along the way. I feel like I'm stuck in place. I can definitely pull off a decent shot or two when asked, but I feel that it's empty and devoid of soul. I need to be grounded however, and realize that I am in a position of convenience that I am able to feel this way. A lot of photographers aspire to hone their craft with better technical skills and appropriate gear.

The journey of learning was fun, but I think I lost that feeling somewhere along the way.

I guess all my prior experience with photography is a blessing and a curse: On one hand it gives me the template on how to handle things, but on the other hand it shackles me to predefined notions on how a photo should follow certain rules to be "good". Experience is my muse and my ghost.

I've recently had the pleasure of taking photos with Aisu Chang. We were gonna shoot a conceptual set for Makima. I am not used to these kinds of shoots where shots are pre-meditated and thought out. It was something that made me uncomfortable. It's difficult, because I had to think. Sure, it was fun setting up the lights for Yutse, who was directing at the time. I was used to that. But taking photos for the express purpose of editing and for the concept? That causes me anxiety. But you know what, I got that feeling of fulfillment back. I've realized that being uncomfortable made me experiment and explore things that were out of my usual "rules". Breaking out of my own preconceived notions of how things are was both scary, and liberating. Failure wasn't something anymore, it was an avenue of inspiration.

There needs to be a need to be uncomfortable. That feeling breaks the monotony of the routine. For now I'm still stuck in place but hopefully we'll find a breakthrough someday.

I've got a new perspective on how to handle things. Let's see how 2025 goes.